We’ve all heard the stories—parents sending heated emails, making sideline comments, or criticizing coaches behind the scenes. These moments can feel isolating, frustrating, and even career-defining. But what if we’ve been looking at it all wrong?

The best athletic programs in the country don’t push parents away—they bring them in. They don’t fear parent influence; they leverage it for good. In high-functioning programs, coaches talk about parents as partners. In struggling ones, parents are often seen as the problem.

Here’s the shift: parent engagement isn’t a threat—it’s a competitive advantage.
When harnessed correctly, a parent’s influence can elevate your culture, support your coaches, and strengthen the student-athlete experience.

Reframing the Parent-Coach Dynamic
As a coach with over 30 seasons of experience—including multiple state titles—I still get a jolt of anxiety when a parent’s name pops up in my inbox. That tells you everything: coaches have been conditioned to brace for conflict, not lean into collaboration.

But that mindset isn’t sustainable. If we want coaches to care deeply, lead confidently, and invest fully in kids, they must feel supported by the very people who care most about those kids—their parents.

Helping Coaches Thrive
If parents want coaches to show patience and a growth mindset with their child, they must offer the same in return. Coaches are learning, growing, and working hard to lead well.

Remind parents regularly that they play a critical role in creating that support system. It starts with simple, consistent kindness:

• Send encouragement when it’s not required.
• Ask questions instead of making demands.
• Assume good intent.
• Treat coaches like people, not gatekeepers.

After all, when do we feel valued in a relationship? When people care about us. When they ask about our families, work, or hobbies—when they offer support. I’ll guess you don’t have many healthy relationships in your life that focus solely on critique or failure. Who would want to be part of that?

Consistent Messaging
This shift takes consistent messaging, season after season. Coaches must regularly invite parents into this positive posture, and athletic directors need to model and celebrate it.

When parents do it well—encouraging a coach, asking thoughtful questions—affirm it. Positive behavior grows when it’s seen, named, and valued.

When this becomes the norm, culture changes—one relationship at a time.

Set the Stage Early
Use preseason meetings to frame the parent-coach relationship as a partnership—clearly and separately—for both coaches and parents. Let parents know you want their engagement, but in ways that build, not break. Show them the video or explain in your own words how you want them to help and contribute to positive movement. 

Remind them:

• They can enhance or erode the culture.
• When negativity drives out a coach, it’s harder to replace them.
• Their words shape the climate well beyond the dinner table.
  

Using Feedback as a Tool, Not a Threat
One of the best ways to guide parent input is through the Grit Leadership Parent Survey, which is designed to gather constructive, context-rich feedback.

If a parent is willing to share tough feedback in a survey, they’re likely saying it to others too. That’s your cue to reach out. Build a relationship. Conversations can dissolve tension and turn critics into supporters. Listening matters—and parents remember it.

These moments become stories parents tell—about a school that listens, a coach who cares, and a leader who builds culture through connection.

Engagement over avoidance is a competitive advantage.
That is the code. Parents don’t need to run the program to influence it…they influence it one way or another all the time. When invited into healthy partnership, they become culture-builders, helping your school thrive from the inside out.

Using tools like the parent survey helps you know who’s building—and who might be breaking—your culture. Both voices matter to your leadership.

When we bring parents alongside us, we multiply our impact, grow better coaches, and create a unified, resilient community.